Wiki-nition - Unconditional Love: to love someone regardless of his or her actions or beliefs.
action: something done or performed; an act that is consciously willed (mental or physical); effect or influence
belief: an opinion or conviction; confidence in truth or existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof
There are many relationships in our lives - siblings, parents, friends, spouses, boy/girlfriends, teachers, students, coworkers, bosses, coaches, teammates, therapists, religious leaders, strangers...
Do all of these relationships deserve unconditional love - do any?
At first glace we immediately jump to the spouse as a relationship deserving of unconditional love. However there are actions some of us may justify as grounds for ending that relationship - are we really loving unconditionally... At what point in relationships do we turn the switch from conditional to unconditional?
What conditions do we place on love (any relationship)?
Loves Me... if I love back
Loves Me Not... if I do not share political views
Loves Me... if I call to keep in touch monthly
Loves Me Not... if I hang out with their enemies
6 comments:
Okay...(you just dive right in, don't you?!)
In a small, simplistic nutshell:
Firstly, everyone has different experiences with "love" and therefore we all understand love to be different things. One person might give flowers, and another person might yell and scream, both in the name of love. It's relative, be it right or wrong. So much of what we understand love to be or how we express it, is determined by our personal experiences and environment. We often mimic the way we were loved (or not loved), and don't really know how to love in the true sense (Corinthians, in this girl's opinion).
Next, there are obviously different types of love - love for a parent versus love for a friend versus love for a spouse. These are very different, and comparing the love for each of these relationships is like comparing apples to oranges.
But if we're talking about love itself, and not the specific relationship it pertains to, and disregarding nature versus nurture, I say to truly love is to love fully, selflessly, with no ifs or buts. Sure, call me naive, or an idealist (which is hardly true) but we should all love as it says in Corinthians. And if someone truly loves you in return, they will put you first, because love is selfless. They will be good to you because love is kind, etc.
As far as falling in love goes, I think it's key to fall in love with someone who knows how and is able to love like that in return. And YES, you CAN control who you fall in love with! It's called being picky and not settling people!
Ahem, I digress...
I also think we use the term "love" when we should be using "like". That would clear up a lot of confusion.
Anyway, I say, if you love, love truly. Without fear, doubt or reservation. But choose who you love wisely. Unless they're your kids, then you're just stuck. : P
Then again, what do I know?
Oh yeah, and one more thing (really Stephanie?)...
Just because you love someone unconditionally, doesn't mean a relationship will work. It takes more than that. And it takes TWO people. Sometimes you have to walk away, regardless of how much you love that person, because it's best. And that doesn't necessarily reflect the way a person, or both people, feel about each other. That's just life.
Okay I'm done now. But I mean, what do you expect?! I'm training to be a psychologist!
It's intriguing to define what unconditional love looks like in ALL of the relationships you mentioned, Kate. How similar should they look? How different?
Spouse/Children: I think this is the most obvious. Unconditionally loving one's spouse has much to do with patience, understanding, acceptance of faults, forgiveness, etc.
Boy/Girlfriends: While these relationships also require similar characteristics, there is not the obligation of commitment that the covenant of marriage and the responsibility of children brings to the table. Perhaps loving a boy/girlfriend is knowing when loving them is leaving them.
I also wonder WHAT conditions people put on relationships with (specifically) spouses and children. If one cheats, do you just quit? If one wants a divorce, do you walk away? If your child does something completely against your moral code, do you throw them out/disown them?
When life gets tough, do we resort to the conditional love that goes against God's command?
As a first grade teacher, I am convinced that young kids are the best at loving unconditionally. After suspending a student, he came back, still deciding that I am "the best teacher in the world." Loving him meant holding him accountable. Whether it's their lack of long-term memory or just love, it humbles me daily.
I believe that the key aspect of loving unconditionally is accepting that we are humans who make plenty of mistakes. Much forgiveness, compassion, patience, and lack of judgment are essential to trying to love as our Holy Father does perfectly.
So they tell me God is love and if He is, then He's the perfect model of this unconditional love. If it were up to me, a mere human, I would Not say everyone deserves this unconditional love, but He tells me they do and defines it amazingly through Paul in 1 Corinthians 13 and even more amazingly through the life of Jesus.
Sister Cavallin would say "Holiness means becoming the person God wants you to be."
If that's the case perhaps true love is helping other people become who God wants them to be even if it means it hurts them. So am I saying unconditional love can hurt feelings? I guess I am, but it's more concerned with the long haul than just today. It's concerned with steering us in the right direction even if feelings are hurt sometimes. God doesn't always give me what I want so if God is love, love doesn't give us what we want...
Love, true love (if you are thinking about the line from the movie the Princess Bride and smiling about it, you're on the same wave length as I am) always thinking about how I can love the other person and has nothing to do with getting back (thanks for teaching me this Father George). I will fail at this often. The only way is to tap into our Creator's love and let Him live in us and let His love shine through us...I can't do it on my own strength, because I've failed too many times trying this:)...
In sum, unconditional love is something we all want, cannot give perfectly, and something we receive perfectly from the Father and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I cannot think of a greater model of loving my future wife(whoever that may be) than loving someone like Christ loved the Church as it says in scripture...How beautiful is that!!!
Kate-
Sitting here having coffee with your parents and Lee, and read your adults immature article! Reminded me of a saying that my old boss old me: "The biggest mistake well intentioned people make are presuming others are always well intentioned!" NOT TRUE! :) Love, Neal, Lee, Mom, Dad
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